#im not proofreading this if theres typos then god willed them there

[fatmaclover]

thanks for rbing this katie ive got more thoughts now that its morning and im not high

im never gonna be over the thought of like. while mac just wants people to like him, he wants to feel like he belongs. i dont think he ever felt like he had a proper place in his own home, with how his parents treated him. its hard to feel like you belong somewhere where all your needs or wants are ignored.

the implication of being joyces boy isnt just the fact that theyre friends, its the implication that mac belongs with joyce. hes hers, no one elses, with her is where hes supposed to be. he has a place he belongs, and its with joyce

its just unfortunate that hes not really into that. he wants to belong literally anywhere else. despite their history together, joyce isnt where mac wants to belong. to a degree, i think he still holds resentment for joyce. he doesnt do it consciously, if you asked him he would say his biggest issues with joyce are her hygiene ones, but its there. i think the teenage mind that still remains in him still kinda blames joyce for why he was bullied. they had each other, but maybe if he had let himself be alone he would be liked. again its not really a conscious thing, more along the lines of like... he would find himself getting lost in a daydream about "what if he never met joyce?" and then would feel so guilty he would probably immediately go to confessional about it. its not something about himself he even wants to acknowledge. he knows its bad, but it lingers in his mind.

so people saying that he belongs with joyce would have so many layers there to him. not only is it the fact that he belongs with joyce, but it could also be read as "i think youre so lame that you belong with her because shes just that bad" (which, macs mixed feelings on joyce and the fact that he both does and doesnt think hes better than her is. an entirely different can of worms.), or it can wrap back around to the fag allegations with them, having the implication of "you two are faggots for each other!!! gay!!!! gay!!!!!!" which i imagine is a pretty big Thing for mac. lol.

i just think its silly how its seen as such a sweet thing by us but mac probably views it as a passive aggressive insult. and honestly i doubt joyce even has positive connotations with it either, with how mac feels about it. i imagine thats kinda rubbed off on her.

mac being referred to as joyces boy. her boy. hes her boy. mac being the person to understand joyces writing the easiest. they belong to each other theyre each others lost halves if they were ever separated they would stop functioning. auawhhrhwuah